Marlene goes to the butcher

MarlenedomesticdivaWith a husband and two growing boys at home, I have to make sure I am always well stocked with plenty of different sources of protein.

Why, good morning Mr. Howell.

butcher

Hello there Marlene. You look lovely this morning. Did you like my sausage last week?

My goodness did I ever! It was so juicy, it squirted into my mouth when I took a bite.

butcher

That’s what I like to hear!

Not to mention those delish skinless wieners! I couldn’t stop myself from devouring them! They fit perfectly into my buns, too!

When it comes to wieners, size does matter.

When it comes to wieners, size does matter.

Mmm, indeed Mr. Howell.

She's still a bit under the weather I am afraid, Marlene.

When are you going to just start calling me Hank?

I was taught to respect my elders, Mr. Howell.

You will slip up one of these days. What can I get you today, doll?

Why not just call me big daddy?

Oh Mr. Howell, you are so hep!

What can I get for you Dolly?

What can I get for you Dolly?

I am on a bit of a budget this week, so whatever you have that’s cheap, easy, yet deeply satisfying.

I think I have just the perfect thing for you. How about this skirt steak?

I think I have just the perfect thing for you. How about this skirt steak?

Do I need to tenderize it?

No need Marlene, I can pound it for you.

No need Marlene, I can pound it for you.

Oh thank you Mr. Howell. You know just what I like!

They don't call it Howells Meats for nothing, you know.

Nobody beats my meat!

I would also like some chicken breasts, as much as you can fit into one hand.

How's that?

How’s that?

Perfect.

Anything else?

Anything else?

I think that will do it this time around, Mr. Howell. I have been using tuna more often lately in some of my dinners.

I thought I smelled fish.

I thought I smelled fish.

Until next time, Mr. Howell. Tell Mrs. Howell I said hello and we miss her in church. She sings like an angel!

Damn that woman gets me cranked.

Damn that woman gets me cranked.

What was that, Mr. Howell?

Would you like free franks?

Would you like some free franks?

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About Merbear74

Writing for me is a sort of self therapy and something that I have loved to do since I was young. I write about many things such as fibromylagia, chronic pain and depression. Sometimes, I also make an attempt at being funny.
This entry was posted in humor, retro, satire, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

58 Responses to Marlene goes to the butcher

  1. merbear74 says:

    Reblogged this on Knocked over by a feather and commented:

    Marlene takes a trip to the butcher shop.

  2. NotAPunkRocker says:

    This is just how I pictured Sam and Alice on “The Brady Bunch”.

    Never underestimate the importance of meat.

  3. acuriousgal says:

    Too funny…Mr. Howell, where’s Lovey?! Lol!!

  4. HaHa!!you dont get this sort of fun at the self serve wrapped in plastic, could actually be anything, modern supermarket. πŸ™‚

  5. Mary Alice here. Is that why I always get the bad cuts of meat? Well, I will not whore myself out to that perverted butcher just to . . . a skirt steak? For that price? Oh my. Mr. Howelllll!

  6. Hahaha,,,,I will never look at the butcher the same,,,,,,,especially cause mines a woman πŸ˜‰

  7. There is no one at WalMart I’d want to be saucy with….I need to find a butcher!

  8. 1jaded1 says:

    LMAO. that picture with those captions…too funny.

  9. draliman says:

    The moment I saw the title to this post in my email I knew it was going to be full of “sausage” and “meat” jokes.
    Hee hee πŸ™‚

  10. Twindaddy says:

    If the meat is tender then you’re doing something wrong. Just sayin…

  11. This post was so epic, that you pretty much used any possible double entendre I could have come up with as a smartass response. Bravo, Marlene! Now I know I should’ve become a butcher…

  12. This was so funny! Thank you, MarBear (does that work?) for a good morning laugh! πŸ˜€

  13. words4jp says:

    OMmegaG – hah! This can drive any horny veggie head straight to flesh eating hell:)

    Very cute – I must admit I was thinking the Brady Bunch, too!

  14. djmatticus says:

    So very funny.
    And now I’m really hungry. Mmm, meat, it’s what’s for every meal.

  15. ScorpionGlow says:

    LMAO!! You two never cease to entertain. In turn, you have been nominated for: http://andthemoonseesall.wordpress.com/2013/09/01/shine-on-award/

  16. Pingback: Come Together | Evil Squirrel's Nest

  17. Suddenly I think I know why only certain senior sisters are allowed out to the butcher on a Saturday morning…

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