Creepy Kids

What’s worse than a creepy kid?

Nothing.

For some reason that totally befuddles me, during my many travels through vintage ads, I have noticed a trend. Advertisers loved using freaky little gargoyles to sell their wares.

Mom, fetch me my fava beans…

He looks like Hannibal Lecter’s grandson. Jodie Foster is his godmother, and they all go on picnics together.

I’m gonna love it, and kiss it, and turn it into stool.

This is a personal favorite. She kinda reminds me of Cindy Brady, except for that maniacal look on her face. Those curly pigtails look so innocent, but if you mess with her jelly bread, she will gnaw you to death with those teeth.

Stop me before I kill again!

Ah ha, I get it!

It’s easy to “dye,” but it looks like little Ruthie just committed mass murder in her playroom. Very clever.

You are getting sleepy….now take these green beans and stick them up your ass.

No, seriously. Look into this kids eyes for a minute.

Right? I just had the urge to drunk dial The Jolly Green Giant.

Have you seen Sprout?

Um, I think I ate him. Don’t worry, you can have another one.

Either I just shit my diaper, or I want to kill you.

I never thought I would actually want to change a dirty diaper, but in this case, it’s best to be cautious. That baby is adorable, but she looks a little unstable. She might try to shank me with that spoon.

Eeek Eeek!

This isn’t an ad, but a vintage postcard.

Imagine being the recipient of this creeptacular Valentines Day card.

Remember you? I’m gonna need a whole bottle of wine and a blunt just to forget you!

Are there any particular ads that you would like to see me semi-humorously dismantle?

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About Merbear74

Writing for me is a sort of self therapy and something that I have loved to do since I was young. I write about many things such as fibromylagia, chronic pain and depression. Sometimes, I also make an attempt at being funny.
This entry was posted in humor, parody, retro, satire, Uncategorized, vintage and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to Creepy Kids

  1. T. D. Davis says:

    I wouldn’t want to buy anything being sold to me by those kids. But we have to assume it worked, or they wouldn’t have kept doing it.

  2. draliman says:

    Wow, imagine all of those kids together in a gang chasing you down a dark alley 😦

  3. Annie Chace says:

    I have no words. Seriously. 😜

  4. Annie says:

    Creepy n hilarious! πŸ‘

  5. Annie Chace says:

    Reblogged this on Parrots, Prose, and Poetry and commented:
    I have no words. Seriously. 😜

  6. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Send them to the Village of the Damned.

  7. I think the girl on the card is the one every guy want’s to forget :o) But you’re right a look in the eyes and you can see the personalised evil …

  8. Mental Mama says:

    That’s the last time I try to multitask by eating lunch and reading this blog at the same time…

  9. Twindaddy says:

    That kid eating the beans totes looks like he’s planning a fatal dutch oven for later.

  10. qrparker says:

    In those days food was so scarce that a child with murderous desire to eat was considered positive.

  11. djmatticus says:

    Beware the spoon wielding baby, she has murderous intent!!

  12. Holy Shit, you found some goodies. I think everyone was manic back then. Maybe it was all the cocaine in the medicine bottles.

  13. Dugutigui says:

    Try this: Black American Postcard Curteich!

  14. This is one of your funniest posts ever!!! OMG, those tykes are more fucked up than a pack of Garbage Pail Kids! How our standards of creepy and cute have changed over the years…

  15. Jam and bread girlie wins the “creeptacular” award! LOL!

  16. grannyK says:

    That valentine card just cracked me up!

  17. ravinj says:

    How about the acid trip that is the classic tootsie roll commercial?

  18. fosaken666 says:

    O yes, I have seen my fair share of “creepy” kids…. This is so true!

  19. This makes me want to never leave the house again for fear of meeting these kids!!

  20. List of X says:

    What really creeps me out about the Bean Boy is that with his detailed face he doesn’t really have a body. It’s like the illustrator was thinking, meh, they’ll just stare into his eyes all the time, so I only need to a few lines to fill the space.

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