What’s worse than a creepy kid?
For some reason that totally befuddles me, during my many travels through vintage ads, I have noticed a trend. Advertisers loved using freaky little gargoyles to sell their wares.
He looks like Hannibal Lecter’s grandson. Jodie Foster is his godmother, and they all go on picnics together.
This is a personal favorite. She kinda reminds me of Cindy Brady, except for that maniacal look on her face. Those curly pigtails look so innocent, but if you mess with her jelly bread, she will gnaw you to death with those teeth.
Ah ha, I get it!
It’s easy to “dye,” but it looks like little Ruthie just committed mass murder in her playroom. Very clever.
No, seriously. Look into this kids eyes for a minute.
Right? I just had the urge to drunk dial The Jolly Green Giant.
Um, I think I ate him. Don’t worry, you can have another one.
I never thought I would actually want to change a dirty diaper, but in this case, it’s best to be cautious. That baby is adorable, but she looks a little unstable. She might try to shank me with that spoon.
This isn’t an ad, but a vintage postcard.
Imagine being the recipient of this creeptacular Valentines Day card.
Remember you? I’m gonna need a whole bottle of wine and a blunt just to forget you!
Are there any particular ads that you would like to see me semi-humorously dismantle?