Merry and Alice talk Cockle-Bread

The other day, Merry and I were chatting and she sent me a link cause we like to share philosophical ideas and shit.  And this link was from  And we were INSPIRED.  Check it out right here.  In case you’re wondering which X-rated tradition really caught our eye, it was the bread women made with their vaginas.  Of course it was. You didn’t read the article did you? We are NOT making this crap up.  Cracked did it’s research (unlike most news media) and here is what they found from, no kidding, the Oxford freaking Index which is from like OXFORD, guys.

oxford index

Anyone else feel like some bread right now?

Yeah, that’s right.  Women would mold bread dough with their va-jay-jays and butts and then bake it.  And here Miley Cyrus thinks she’s innovative.  Not only would these women do bizarre things with their grain products, they would give this bread to people – as a gift to a guy they really liked.  Wow, menfolk.  You are so missing out these days.  Also, note that it was common enough to see this that kids played games of making it.  Sort of like playing house, only gross and highly disturbing!

So Cracked got in some good jokes and moved on to stuff about stone dildos (ouch) but Mer and I were just stuck on the bread.  It really stuck in our . . . craws.  We couldn’t stop talking about it.  Here’s a sample of how our conversation went.

Amy: Holy shit

Merry: I know man

Amy: Well that woke me up a bit.

Merry: Like here is my vagina bread.

Amy: I am feeling pretty yeasty today.  Let’s bake.

Merry: I love you.  I made something special for you!  Uh, a card would have been nice.

Amy: No kidding.  Please no hoo-ha bread.

Merry: That is a messed up article, like people have always been freaks.

Amy: I know.  Hang on (rocks back and forth) dough is nearly done.

Merry: Freshly baked!

Amy: Mer, when you’re feeling down, just think of coochie bread.

Merry: You know some people would not even think makin’ bread with your coochie is funny, Alice.

Amy:  Yeah they’d be like whaaaat?  We’re just special.

Merry:  It’s hilarious.  Twisted and hilarious.

Amy: Part of me wants to get some canned biscuits and go to town.

Merry: I’m telling you – I bet pubes stick to it.

Amy: Omg, imagine explaining it to the doctor. Pillsbury va-jay-jay

Merry: Use lots of oil to keep hair from sticking.

Amy: Spray some PAM up there.  You know guys would totally eat it for sex.

Merry: I think my hubs would partake of my holy muff bread.  But pube free.

Amy: Like no pulps in orange juice.  Now pube free!

Merry:  I wonder if they make dick shaped bread.  Well men don’t bake I guess.

Amy: That’s what we need – penis bread.  Wait – that’s French bread.

Merry: Wee Wee

Amy: Imagine the first gynecologist.  (Pokes around with stick) I don’t think it’s normal to have that much bread up there.

Merry: Is that the Pillsbury Dough boy up there?

Amy: Giggle!

So yeah, a glimpse into the average conversation of a couple of friends.  Let’s continue the discussion.  Anyone else got anything to say about this new recipe? I’m getting ready to pin it on my Pinterest board right now!

~ Alice


About aliceatwonderland

Snarky blogger that's also a librarian, mommy, and critic of the world in general.
This entry was posted in humor, nostalgia, Uncategorized, vintage and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Merry and Alice talk Cockle-Bread

  1. Reblogged this on aliceatwonderland and commented:

    Merry and I discuss an bizarre old medieval tradition

  2. List of X says:

    Well, I’m sure that with Miley Cyrus’s twerking skills, she could make tons of cockle bread, and even grind the grain into flour, probably.

  3. draliman says:

    Huh. After my pizza and cake successes I was planning on trying bread next but it appears I don’t have the correct equipment…

  4. ravinj says:

    I wonder, if such a gift was intended to get a rise out of a paramour, was it leavened? I would think an out of control bacterial infection would ruin the yeast reaction, so maybe it showed the man he would be in for some good, clean fun?

    Mostly I think it’s a good reminder that sex, or even women wanting sex, is not, in fact a recent invention.

  5. larva225 says:


  6. That is fascinating! People are very odd. The heart wants what it wants? I cannot imagine loving anyone enough to want to eat bread that has been anywhere near their bum hole but hey! We are all different. E Coli is destroyed during the baking process as is most bacteria so theoretically it would be reasonably safe to (gag) eat. HaHaHaHa! Thanks for giving me a good laugh AND some wonderful conversation starters. ❤ ❤ ❤

  7. I guess this brings new meaning to the term having a bun in the oven…

  8. 1jaded1 says:

    I am so late to reading. Couldn’t stop laughing. Tears, you guys. Gives the term yeast infection a new meaning. Now I have to throw up…

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