Postcard Stories: Ruby and Frank


Ruby: Okay, hold still, Mr. Wiener, I’m going to start painting you now.

Frankfurter: Please, I insist that you call me Frankfurter, or Frank for short.

Ruby: Well, thank you so much for coming on such short notice, Frank. I was beside myself with having to find a replacement!

Frankfurter: How could I pass up the opportunity to be a work of art?! I’m honored.

Ruby: I’m so glad.

Frankfurter: Can you tell me who I’ll be working with today?

Ruby: When I’m finished painting you all sorts of groovy colors, you’ll be dancing with these lovely girls!


Meet Bubbles, Precious, Glory and Sunshine!

Frankfurter: Wow! Hello ladies!

(The girls all giggle at the suddenly longer and thicker frankfurter, then leave the room to go powder their nose.)

Ruby: Yes, an older gentleman requested three naked beautiful ladies, hiding behind a banner, with a wiener painted in psychedelic colors running around in front of them for his birthday party.

Frankfurter: Sounds like fun to me! I’m still young and firm, I’m still moist and juicy, baby!

Ruby: That’s what I like to hear! Okay, you’re all set!

And thanks again, if this works out, you may have yourself a regular gig.

Frankfurter: What happened to the last guy?

Ruby: I ate him.

Frankfurter: Oh.

Ruby: I’m just fucking with you, Frank!

Frankfurter: A ha!

Ruby: No, seriously. Look, I like you, so I’m gonna warn you and give you a fighting chance. Get out now before I put you inside my buns.

Frankfurter: But the paint?!

Ruby: Mustard, ketchup and relish.

Frankfurter: Help!

Ruby: The last wiener wanted me to call him Frank too.

And with that, Ruby took her first bite, savoring the taste.




About Merbear74

Writing for me is a sort of self therapy and something that I have loved to do since I was young. I write about many things such as fibromylagia, chronic pain and depression. Sometimes, I also make an attempt at being funny.
This entry was posted in dark humor, fiction, funny, humor, kitsch, retro, stories, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Postcard Stories: Ruby and Frank

  1. JackieP says:

    hahahaha….this is kinda sick…but damn it, it made me laugh. 🙂

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    Ha. Poor Frank! Bet he tasted yummy.

  3. Frank should have suppressed his attacker with a blast of his natural secretions, but I guess he didn’t have the balls to do that….

  4. at least it was a nice girl who ate Frank … it can end much more worse for a wiener :o)

  5. draliman says:

    It was never going to end well for Frank, was it? Or, wait a minute, does this little story perhaps have a slightly adult undertone? 🙂

  6. A much needed giggle mid-afternoon! I’d better get myself back to work now tho’… Xxx

  7. Ladybuggz says:

    I agree, a good giggle! LOL…:)

  8. TechBook says:

    I’d better get myself back to work now tho’… Xxx The rest of his friends probably got eaten already…

  9. Nancy says:

    That’s hysterical! What happened to your other blog? I have been away for a while and missed so many posts. Clever piece!

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