Postmodern Jukebox

Yes, I am still here. Sorry it’s been so long since I posted any retro goodness.

I stumbled upon a great band, Postmodern Jukebox. They take pop music, and puts a vintage spin on them. There are so many, I haven’t had a chance to watch all of the videos yet.

My favorite so far is “Creep” by Radiohead, which I have always loved. This version is awesomesauce. (Even without the swearing.)

Other songs include, Straight Up, Bye Bye Bye, Anaconda, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Gangsta’s Paradise, Like a Prayer, Seven Nation Army, and Sweet Child O’ Mine, just to name a few.

It’s so refreshingly different, I swear if you’re a fan of pop songs, it’s great fun to watch the videos. If you have a second, give this video a listen, and tell me what you think.

Or, you know, not.

Creep by Radiohead

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so very special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

I don’t care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I wanna a perfect body
I wanna a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I’m not around
You’re so very special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

She’s running out again,
She’s running out
She’s run run run run

Run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so very special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here

Posted in music, nostalgia, retro, Uncategorized, vintage | Tagged , , | 16 Comments

Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?

Wow, it’s been over three months since I’ve posted anything over here! I swear that I kept meaning to, but then I would put it off. I only have so much creativity, ya know?

Anyways, here I am. And here is an offer that I know you can’t refuse!

monkey

To order online, go to http://www.darlingpetmonkey.com

These ads were indeed real, in comic books mostly during the 1950’s, 60’s and early 70’s. Screw getting a dog or a cat, for less than $20.00 dollars, junior son of a bitch could have his very own squirrel monkey with his birthday card money from grandma.

According to my research, these little critters do not thrive on human food as the ad suggests, since they eat berries, leaves, insects and other such things. You can’t just thrust a ham sandwich at a squirrel monkey and make him happy.

Their natural habitats are trees. They sprinkle urine on the branches so that others of their kind can find them easily.

I can only imagine what they do with their poop.

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What I do with my shit is my business, human!!

Since I don’t know of anyone personally who has a pet squirrel monkey, I am assuming that this idea didn’t really catch on.

For example, you cannot teach a monkey to use a litter box, nor can you really fulfill his need for other monkey companionship, since they live in large groups called troops composed of 40 to 50 members.

Plus, they live for 15-20 years, so that is a huge commitment to take on, especially if you can’t train him to not fling his dung at you when you give him a lollipop.

I’m sure that some people actually do own one of these highly intelligent animals, so I mean no offense. But as a warning to the rest of us, here is a snippet of a post I found about a man who actually did buy one from the comic book ad.

“No instructions [were included]. He had this waist belt on, a collar, if you will, on his waist, with an unattached leash inside the box. So I opened the box up inside the cage, the monkey jumped out, I withdrew the box and found the leash. I have no idea where it came from; I assumed it came from Florida. I figured, well, it’s probably near dehydration, so I opened up the cage to put some water in it. It leapt out of the cage when I opened it up the second time! I mean, it was eyeing the pipes that I was unaware of. As soon as I opened the cage, it leapt up and grabbed onto the plumbing up on the ceiling and started using them like monkey bars, and he was just shooting along in the basement, chirping pretty loud. It was heading towards the finished side of the basement, where there was a drop ceiling, and if it got into those channels, I never would have got it. It would have been days to get this thing out of there. I grabbed it by its tail, and it came down on, starting literally up by my shoulder, like a drill press it landed on my arm, and every bite was breaking flesh. It was literally like an un-sewing machine. It was literally un-sewing my arm coming down, and I was pouring blood. I grabbed it by its neck with both my wrists, threw it back in the cage. It’s screaming like a scalded cat. I’m pouring blood. My friend’s laughing uncontrollably, and my father finally comes in the basement door and goes, ‘Jeffery! What are you doing to that rabbit?’ And I go, ‘It’s not a rabbit, it’s a monkey, and it just bit the hell out of me.”

I think that I’ll just stick with my dogs, Jeffery.

 

Posted in advertising, animals, funny, humor, retro, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 25 Comments

Just Like Mom

mother

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Shhh…

coffee

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Pac-Man vs Lincoln Logs

I remember being about 8 or 9 the Christmas we got our Atari gaming system. I used to kick ass at Pac-Man. I was quite the gamer back in the day.

Pac-man

 

Ghosts, nom nom.

 

My dad was annoyed with this new technology and decided that my brother and I needed to keep our imaginations in tact, so he bought us Lincoln Logs the following year. They were cool, but you could only build log cabins for so long before you started getting bored.

lincolnpx

Plus, I think I got a splinter. (Sorry dad.) We turned back to the land of Inky and Blinky, leaving the logs in the dust.

I always wonder to myself though, if my dad had lived past 1986, what would he have thought of the world today. Could we have talked him into having a cell phone or a Facebook page? My mother has embraced the brave new world of Apps. She even has a Kindle Fire so she can play Words with Friends from the comfort of her recliner. Perhaps she could have nudged my father a bit. But if the man hated the Atari, I highly doubt it.

What was one of your favorite childhood presents?

Posted in childhood, humor, nostalgia, retro, toys, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Have you been good this year?

creepy-santa-4
Don’t look into his eyes.

I haven’t sat on a strangers lap for many years now.

The whole sitting on Santa’s lap is an extremely messed up tradition.

Take a look at this guy!

creepy-santa-7
A child this young should not know the stench of whiskey.

What kind of parent actually puts their kid on a stank-filled piece of fake shitty Santa Claus like this man?

me!!
Yes, this is me. I would never put a child near that man, Santa beard or no Santa beard.

I know that I haven’t been posting as much Christmas related stuff as I had hoped for this month, but I have been struggling with the whole season. I do apologize.

I also apologize for this.

heywood_santa

Posted in humor, retro, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 11 Comments

Eggnog: A Family Tradition

We finally put our tree up and decorated a few days ago.

tree

While years back I would have been the one orchestrating the whole ordeal, this time my husband and daughter did most of the work.

Back in the day, it would have looked something like this.

ass

I don’t know if anyone else does this, but we always drink eggnog when we do the tree. No one really likes the stuff, but tradition is tradition. I drank the crap when I was a kid, as well as my mother when she was a young lass.

And so on it goes.

We forgot about it this year, so after we were all done with the festivities, we each poured ourselves some. We toasted to a holly, jolly Christmas while the lights from the tree glistened like sparkly snowflakes.

“It looks like mayo,” my daughter said, swirling the thick mixture around in her glass.

“Just drink it, you must, for it is ingrained into our DNA,” I said seriously.

6-dont-hog-the-nog

Um, not a problem.

If you don’t drink your eggnog, Santa will poop in your shoe.

Posted in food, humor, nostalgia, retro | Tagged , , , | 22 Comments